oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
