How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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