They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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