I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
