Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
