I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
