I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
