I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
