i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
