First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
