i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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