The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
