yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
