Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
