i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
