Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize