so that wasnt chicken after all
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
