I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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