I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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