I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
