I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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