the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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