you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
