He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
