well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
