She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
