Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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