I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
