6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
