you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
