She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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