I just made out with a guy for $7.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize