did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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