We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he was CRYING into my vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
