Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
