I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
