just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
