how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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