After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
