u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
