Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
