I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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