Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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