Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
