my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize