Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
