your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
