Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
