2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
