Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
