Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
