I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
