we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
