Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
my liver is dry heaving
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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