I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
