I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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