every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize