There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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