I met the friendliest cop last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
