i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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