My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
