No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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