Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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