you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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