it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just high enough for therapy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
