i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
