So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
