Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
