are you still at the devil's house?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
