i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
