census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
