what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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