I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
