Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize