i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
