1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
