if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
