she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
