No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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