do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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