he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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