Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
