brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Even my vagina gasped.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
