is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
