I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
