Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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