I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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