If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
