so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize