watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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