he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
