She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
