Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
