I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
