does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
