I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
