More tranny stories later!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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