Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
