When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
