she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
