i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
