I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
