Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
