btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
