sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
