You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
