I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
