she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
